Saturday, July 7, 2012

King Street Stories: Fire works, slumlords' truthiness, and maybe taking a dip in the canal

It’s been a relatively quiet week on King Street except for a few illegal fire crackers that were set off on Tuesday, Wednesday, and again on Thursday. A couple went off on Gardiner Alley between my house and the rental next door and they startled me as they sounded like gun fire. I guess that’s the point, to make loud noises that excite people.

Collen O’Brien threw her husband out of the house after she gave him an ultimatum of his cell phone or her. Kevin said he was sorry and he really loved her and the kids, but he needs his cell phone for work, to stay connected with his friends,  and to play Angry Birds when he’s bored. If she isn’t ready to play second fiddle to his cell phone addiction then so be it. It’s her choice he told her, and went down the street to bunk with Ted his Angry Birds partner. How long the separation will last is anybody’s guess since Kevin seems to favor his cell phone over nookie which was another of Colleen’s complaints.

Things were shut down in the business district on July 4th tighter than a drum. Very little activity other than the community festival at the Morgan Manning house from 10:00 AM til about 3:00 PM. Cake walk winners were very happy and went home with something they could enjoy and share with friends and family.

Word on the street is that Mayor Connie was so excited about Doug Annlot’s Man On The Street interview on The Brockporter in which he said he was voting “no” on the referendum that she was emailing it to her 15 supporters and telling them she could kiss Doug. Most of the folks at Java Junction would love to see that, and Doug is very happy that the Mayor approves of him because now he doesn’t have to worry so much about getting killed in his sleep by people who don’t like what he said.

Some people have mentioned that they don’t like the use of the word “Slumlord” but it is a meme which has been repeated and evolved in Brockport for quite some time and picked up steam at the time of the dissolution vote in June of 2010. The meme took on even increased significance when Rich Miller and his wife were arrested for illegal voting with their slumlord friends snickering and hooting across the street in front of the Miller Manion on the day of the election. Then Mayor Connie got arrested for official misconduct for not abiding by the zoning and building codes and her paramour, Norm, was arrested and charged for endangering people for not letting them leave Mayor Connie’s residence when it filled up with smoke, and the fire department showed up. As Steven Colbert has observed, narratives have a certain quality of “truthiness”,  and the narrative of the slumlords registers fairly low on the truthiness scale because much of their operations are outside of the laws and regulations of the Village.

It’s been mighty hot on King Street and once again the street has not seen any significant rain in a couple of weeks. Dave Markham and Kevin Conner have been watering Dave’s gardens and so they are coming along pretty well, but the climate change deniers are having a very tough time sticking to their story other than to equivocate by saying a few hot days don’t prove anything. That’s true but a lot of people on King Street, even the ones not that bright, are saying there seems to be a pattern here and taking a dip in the canal down by the Smith Street bridge seems very inviting.

And that’s the way it’s been this week on King Street where all the men are sweating bullets, the women are as fresh and fragrant as Secret anti-perspirant deodorant will keep them, and the kids love skipping through the sprinklers in the alley’s and backyards.

Editor's note: King Street Stories is a regular feature of the Brockporter Online News Magazine which appear every Saturday.


  1. Grammar Nanny7/7/12, 7:44 AM

    The apostrophe police scrambled to an early morning call Saturday when David Markham posted what was deemed an errant heading to one of The Brockporter's blog posts.

    'Slumlords Truthiness' was the phrase which caused alarm. It was not immediately apparent to police grammarians however, which rule of punctuation had been abused.

    “Did Markham mean more than one slumlord?”, said Chief Inspector Lt. Triple Dipper. “Or, the truthiness of the collective group of slumlords?

    Deputy sergeant Hundred K. Cowboy said he believed plural applied in this instance and no possessive was required, and therefore Markham should not be charged but would be issued a warning.

    “He can be reckless sometimes with his headings, we've seen it before,” said Cowboy. “Let this be a warning to him. We're watching.”

    Markham, editor and publisher of The Brockporter, an on-line community news site was unavailable for comment.

    1. Having become aware of the Grammar Nanny's warning, Markham did correct the offending phrase. Whether he got it right is still in question. The grammar Nanny has been called back out to re-investigate and a further assessment is pending.

      If anyone has any further information regarding this situation, please call our special 800 number which has been set up for this matter 1-800-grammar (472-6627).

  2. :-)

    That's a good one!

  3. Send the Grammar Police!7/7/12, 1:30 PM

    Someone needs to send the Grammar Police over to the misnamed and always grammatically incorrect brockportstruthmachine. It has a piece right now deploring the reappearance of the Brockporter and claiming to have run it "out of town temporarily." As anyone who has read the "truthmachine" knows, the authors have a very literal and simple minded view of the world with no regard for complexity or nuance. They also think there is only one correct viewpoint (theirs, of course) about any particular situation and that anyone who disagrees with their viewpoint is not only wrong but evil. Right now they are busy demonizing David Markham, whose educated, comples and nuanced perspective contrasts sharply with their small minded provincialism. On some issues, such as their criticisms of the Castaneda machine and Town of Sweden politicos, they are more or less right. But because they are such small minded and mean spirited simpletons it is embarassing to have them as allies. By all means, send over the Grammar (and Thought)Police. They will definitely have their hands full.

    1. I have no idea who writes the Brockport Truth Machine. It is obviously someone(s) who is interested in and knowledgeable about Brockport government. The person seems to want some recognition and to be afforded credibility but is unwilling to identify his authorship which might tell you something about his/her character.

      (S)he seems quite willing to criticize others behind the veil of secrecy which is the person's right, but fear of taking responsibility doesn't do much for me in considering the authors credibility and integrity.

      Seems very odd that an untruthful person hiding in shadows would actually call his/her blog the "truth machine". I am not sure if this is an exercise in performance art satire or the author actually thinks anyone will take such a conduit of snark seriously?

      I don't read the "truth machine" regularly and wouldn't both mentioning it here other than the comment which was posted above. If the author of the "truth machine" wants to be taken seriously, (s)he might consider growing up, taking responsibility for his/her thoughts and ideas, and acting like an adult.

      On the "truthiness scale" of 0-10 with 0 being no truth at all to 10 being 100% true and valid, from what I've read, I'd give the "truth machine" about a 1.5.

    2. Down With Grade Inflation!7/7/12, 2:46 PM

      You would actually give them a score of 1.5! Wow! What a generous grader you are. I wish you'd been one of my teachers. I'd give them what they actually deserve, namely 0.0.

    3. Wow for a site that has broken more then a few times I think your scores are way too low. How come everyone needs to know who is the writer? No one knew who the bloviator was. I think the truth machine dose somethings as a joke with a very dry humor that some people don't get. I give them an 7.9

    4. Poor Students Are Easy Graders7/7/12, 3:44 PM

      Given the inadequacies of your own post--grammatical and spelling errors, incomplete sentences--I'm not sure you should be grading anyone else. You need to go back and retake 8th grade English before you presume to ghrade others. What do you mean when you write "for a site that has broken more than a few times? Dou mean a site than "has been broken"? Perhaps you mean "has broken down"? Or do you mean "has broken noses"? More likely you mean "has broken stories." But since they haven't broken any news stories that would be a false statement. Do you really think the literal minded simpletons at the Brockportliesmachine are capable of irony dry humor and satire? OPh come now! I am afraid your own poor writing disqualifies you as a grader of other people's writing. 7.9 indeed! What grade does your post here deserve? I award it a 4.5 for effort.

    5. And your grade spelling is a .5 "presume to ghrade" "OPh come"

    6. Poor Students Are Easy Graders7/8/12, 11:26 AM

      It isn't my spelling, but my typing and my failure to proofread that deserves a grade of 0. The grade you awarded me, .5, is too high. As I said, poor students are easy graders!

  4. brockportliesmachine watcher7/7/12, 4:00 PM

    David Markham's comments about the brockportliesmachine have driven its writers/editors to a fit of rage resulting in apoplexy. For a good laugh, see their adolescent and hysterical response. Not only does the response deserve a low grade, it also suggests that the writer is on need of mental health counselling.

    1. Under cover agent7/7/12, 7:49 PM

      Don't be so hard on the truth machine guy. It's probably not his fault that he doesn't know how to take responsibility. I'm sure he thinks it is somebody else's fault and he will write his next article telling everyone about why he can't and must keep his identity a secret. He'll probably say it has to do with something like national security or village security or his own employment and reputation security.

      Have you noticed how most of the people who comment are gutless wonders themselves and consider themselves under cover with me?

    2. You mean Brockport's Trash Machine???

  5. Hey, the Truth Machine authors are Brian Winant and Joy Levandowski.

    Anybody who reads there blog knows this to be true!

    They hide because he's 1 of the Hundred K. Cowboys (gosh I like that name!) she's his paramour and they both live in Clarkson, where life is really worth living (out of the village)!

    1. One of the authors lives at home with his/her parent(s). I know this because recently he/she made reference to being in their mother's basement. Whoever they are, their worshipful reverance for the military and the police is hard to take. The cops and the military are sometimes necessary evils, but hardly worthy of reverance.

    2. Paul Kimball's Gulag??7/9/12, 9:43 AM

      Life is "really worth living" in Paul Kimball's gulag? Hell, Joseph Stalin, one time dictator of the USSR, had more respect for democracy than that bunch totalitarians on the Clarkson Town Board. As far as the execrable Paul Kimball is concerned, only a slumlord could like him. Residents of Clarkson either kiss his substantial ass or he makes their lives hell. If you like life in Clarkson, you'd love living in North Korea!

    3. All know Brian is the Trash Machine...but he is not the only one.